> > > > > You think English is easy?? > I think a retired English teacher was bored . > THIS IS GREAT! This took a lot of work to put together! > > 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. > > 2) The farm was used to produce produce. > > 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. > > 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.. > > 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. > > 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.. > > 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. > > 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. > > 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. > > 10) I did not object to the object. > 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. > > 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. > > 13) They were too close to the door to close it. > > 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. > > 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. > > 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. > > 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. > > 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. > > 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. > > 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? > > Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.. > > And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? > > If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? > > How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. > > English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. > > PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really! The other day a not so elderly (65) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said what the heck is a Jalopy? OMG (new) phrase! He never heard of the word jalopy!! She knew she was old but not that old... Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle... by Richard Lederer About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included "Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry." Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China! Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, well I'll be a monkey's uncle!, or, This is a fine kettle of fish! ,We discover that the words we grew up with,- the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickles Heavens to Murgatroyd! It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff ! We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging. See ya later, alligator! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Love to all, Hank..
I like to play around with words, both in Norwegian and English. It's fun, it's relaxing and it helps keep language skills up. Thanks for posting!
Hank, that is a great post! Words don't die, they live on in books. Writers from Shakespeare to F. Scott Fitzgerald to Umberto Eco keep language alive and functioning. Obsolescent words reappear on the printed page and are learned by the new generation. Those who read have a large vocabulary (which usually doesn't include "like, y'know, actually, uhhhh") and you obviously read!
Yep English isn't as simple as folks first assume it to be. I remember a trip to our local hospital and the receptionist telling a complaining woman to be patient as there were only two more patients in front of her. I can think of many more and so am just glad that I grew up with English as my first language. I must admit that, like Philip, I enjoy the play on words and still use many of those 'old' expressions. Thanks Hank for an enjoyable read and some great memories.
Two of the most difficult languages to learn are Mandarin (a Chinese dialect) and English. Mandarin because the inflections on a word can change its meaning; English because there are multiple meanings for the same word, all depending on the context in which the word is used. I agree, Eileen, in that I am glad that I grew up learning and speaking English. I'm just not smart enough to learn it as a second language!
Eileen that was a great read. One word they missed, and maybe there are more was---I will resume writing my resume. I also love to play with words. Here are a few more funny phrases--Why do we deplane and not decar- why was it called a Gang plank that they made only one person walk down. Here in the States when we get in line, instead of cueing up. Here we use a cue ball to play pool. Once when we where on a trip to Las Vagas. We met a girl from France. We where talking about our American words and how confusing it was for her and her friend when they first came over here to work for the summer. She had asked someone if there was a toilet she could use. The person said yes, the Bathroom is just down the hall. She said that it took her and her friend awhile to know that it wasn't a room for taking bath. But where you would find a toilet to use. In England you would not ask for a cookie, but a biscuit. Here in the states if someone from England would ask for a biscuit, they probably would get a baking powder biscuit or buttermilk biscuit. Not a cookie at all. If we where in England and we said to someone that we where going to put on our boots. They may look at you rather strange. Because there they call the trunk of a car, the boot. So now I think I will knock off for the evening, and enjoy knocking off a bowl of popcorn.
