A cyclist hit a bird and thinking it was a canary stopped to look after it as it was unconscious. He took it home and popped it in a cage with some water and a few pieces of dried bread. After a while the bird came to. It saw its surroundings and wailed, "On no! Bars, bread and water! I'm in jail. I must have killed him!"
There were two ladies chatting in the store and one said "I'm over due, should I tell my husband" I just interrupted them, "I wouldn't, just take the books back to the library and pay the fine"
A married couple were watching TV when the phone rang. The husband asked his wife to answer it. After a few seconds his wife said, "How would I know? The sea is 400 miles away." and hung up. "Who was that?" asked her husband. "Some crazy lady who wanted to know if the coast was clear!"
Each month I put a nature joke in a newsletter, some of you have probably seen some, anyway, this is one from a few years ago. Three mountains goats set off for a picnic and climbed up to a sunny alpine meadow. When they were getting ready to eat their sandwiches they realized that they had forgotten the drinks. The youngest one said, "I'll go back if you promise not to eat the sandwiches 'till I get back." The other two quickly agreed. A couple of hours went by and one of them said, "I wish he would hurry up. I'm starving!" After another two hours the other goat said, "I can't wait any longer. Let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the young goat jumped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
Two men left the pub rather the worse for drink. One said to the other, "Oh, I can't walk all the way home." His pal replied, "I know, me too, but we've missed the last bus." "We could steal a bus from the depot," the first suggested. So they went to the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After a few minutes, the look-out shouts, "Will you be long?" The guy replied, "I can't find a No. 76, only a 74." The look-out shouted back, "Get the 74 and we'll walk from the roundabout."
