1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go ... 2. Ate salad for dinner …Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese... FINE, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza … 3. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat. 4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web ... 5. I don't mean to brag but… I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes ... 6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ... 7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it... when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel... 8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me... 9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither. 10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ... 11. I love being over 70 … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others ... 12. A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … I woke up and searched with him... 13. My dentist told me I need a Crown … I said, "You bet, pour mine over rocks" … 14. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day ... "Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
#4, 6 and #11 have found their way on the front of t-shirts in most of the catalogs I get in the mail.
