A TWO-DOLLAR BILL???

Discussion in 'Jokes and Games' started by Henry Johnson, Feb 9, 2013.

  1. Henry Johnson

    Henry Johnson In Flower

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    THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:
    IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM, THIS IS A RIOT!
    Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I'm STILL laughing!!
    I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public.
    The younger generation doesn't even know they exist!
    STORY:
    On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone about trying to break a $50 bill.

    Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'
    Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'

    Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill.
    He looks at it kind of funny.

    Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'

    He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

    Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
    Manager: 'No. A what?'
    Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me...'
    Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
    Server: 'Yeah, thought so.'

    He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'
    Me: 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?
    Server: 'I don't know.'
    Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
    Server: 'Yeah.'
    Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
    Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.'

    He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'

    Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
    Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.
    Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
    Server: 'What should I do?'
    Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
    Server: 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
    Manager: 'Just tell him.'
    Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.

    The manager approaches me and says,
    'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'

    Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
    Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
    Me: 'Why not?'
    Manager: 'I think you know why.'
    Me: 'No really, tell me why.'
    Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
    Me: 'Excuse me?'
    Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
    Me: 'What on earth for?'
    Manager: 'Please, sir..'
    Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
    Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
    Me: 'No.'
    Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'
    Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

    At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area,
    and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

    A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

    Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
    Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'
    Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
    Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
    Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
    Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he
    has is a fifty.'
    Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
    Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
    Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
    Manager : 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
    Guard: 'Yeah.'

    Security Guard walks over to me and......
    Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
    Me: 'Uh, no.'
    Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
    Me: 'Why?'
    Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

    At this point I'm ready to say, 'Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say,
    'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

    I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him.
    He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says,
    'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'

    Manager: 'It's fake.'
    Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
    Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
    Guard: 'Yeah? '
    Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

    The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it dawns
    on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot.

    So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink
    and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

    Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what
    happens when I try to buy stuff.

    Just think... those two are of the age to be voting!!!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Hank...chuckle, chuckle.
     
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    Jerry Sullivan Garden Experimenter Plants Contributor

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    Somewhere I have a half dozen $2 bills. It would be my luck that they would just take them no questions. I did ask at a bank once if they had any 2's. Dollars yes, 2's no. Some people grumble a bit if I hand them a dollar coin but they know about those.

    Jerry
     
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  4. dooley

    dooley Super Garden Turtle

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    I always take the dollar coins to the bank and ask for "real" money because the clerks tell me they have no space in the cash registers for dollar coins.

    dooley
     
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  5. donm

    donm In Flower

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    They wouldn't take a Jefferson?

    [​IMG]

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  6. cherylad

    cherylad Countess of Cute-ification Plants Contributor

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    I think I have a couple $2 bills tucked away somewhere... probably saved a dollar coin too.
    Great story! :D
     
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  7. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    You can convince some of the people all of the time but only all of the people some of the time!! :D :D
     
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  8. Capt Kirk

    Capt Kirk Thank a Veteran today!

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    In the early 1960's the store owners in Norfolk Va. complained that the military wasn't spending very much money in the local economy. So the US Navy paid everybody in $2 bills. The store owners shut up real quick when they got flooded with $2 bills. I could never afford to hang on to mine, I spent them all and no one refused them! :)
     
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  9. Netty

    Netty Chaotic Gardener Plants Contributor

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    All I can say is WOW!
     
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  10. carolyn

    carolyn Strong Ash

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    How funny! We all are ROFL at this one. I have a stack of them. My kids liked them when they were little and wanted to save them. Maybe in 100 years they will be valuable.... or dust.

    I hate those dollar coins. They look like quarters and spend like quarters.
     
  11. TheBip

    TheBip Young Pine

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    Ive accepted $2 bills before while cashiering :) I always got excited when I got one and I would exchange two of my own $1's to get that $2 out of my drawer ;) Of course, I have no idea where they all are now...
     

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