has overtaken the Bible as the world's most distributed publication. In the beginning Ingvar Kamprad created flat-pack furniture. And he was a Swede and he saw that it was good. So he said,"Let there be Ikea". And lo, there was Ikea and it was good. Except for the parking situation. So Ingvar said, "Let there be a carpark". and lo, there was a carpark. But the carpark had only 400 bays and there were 3000 customers looking for parking. And this caused much wailing and nashing of teeth, not to mention the occasional prang. So Ingvar said,"Let there be a bigger carpark", and there was a bigger carpark. And lo, from then on only 2500 people had to cruise the streets looking for a space. Ingvar was getting the hang of it by now so he said, "Let there be mighty wardrobes and bookcases of clear lacquered birch and white foil finishes, and things nobody uses like shoe cupboards. And lo, there were all these things, plus side tables that looked like Daleks and other wonders. An Ingvar saw all that he had made and it was good. So Ingvar said, "Let the earth spring forth a woman who will shop in Ikea and a man who will assemble the flat-pack furniture". And it was so. And Ingvar called forth the woman, saying, "Thou may partake freely of the Ikea concept but thou shalt not take the man into the store. Because the man would rather gnaw through his own arm than go forth into Ikea. And anyway he would get lost even though there are arrows on the floor. And we all know what he is like about asking for directions. Plus he would buy anything to get out of there and you would end up with Kimme easy chairs in hideous purple plastic." And the woman promised she would never take the man into Ikea. So the woman went forth alone to buy a bookcase and Ingvar said to the woman, "Behold the May/June special! This month you can get the Gorm shelving unit for $20 off. But thou must be quick or thou shalt be Gormless." And lo, the woman was not quick enough. The Gorm shelving units were all sold out by 9.15 on May 1st. So she bought a Tunhem bookcase instead. And lo, it had adjustable shelving with built in spaces for power cords. And so the woman also bought an Isfall multi-use lighting system with 20w halogen bulbs because she did not want the built in spaces to go to waste, and she saw it was good. And this made up for having to queue for 20 minutes at the checkout and another 30 at the warehouse pickup, not to mention all the badly behaved snotty nosed kids in between. And the woman took the bookcase home, and the man said, "How the hell am I supposed to put this together?!" So Ingvar said, "Let there be an allen key". And there was an allen key. And Ingvar saw that the Ikea shopping experience was finished, and it was good. And so on the seventh day Ingvar rested. But the man and the woman were not resting. They were looking at the Tunhem bookcase, which was lying on the floor in pieces, alongside the allen key and the little plastic bags filled with screws and the set of instructions that had no words. And the man was drinking the fermented fruit of the vine, even though it was only 10am and the woman was displeased with him. So Ingvar was forced to make one last declaration and it was so thereafter. Women should dispense of their men in matters of DIY and build her own Ikea furniture. Praise be to Ikea!!
Yes I have Frank and their furniture may be basic but it's also so much cheaper than anywhere else around here. Got a few kitchen utensils too and plants - of course!!!
