Those of you who've been around awhile know that my 2nd oldest son is a drug addict. He's in recovery currently. Right before Thanksgiving last year was when he became homeless after struggling with his addiction for 10+ years. He had been circling the drain for some time, and over the years had blown through and wasted every offer of help, every friend, every family member who came to his aid. He's been jailed numerous times, gone through countless rehabs and programs. He's sold every possession of any value he's ever owned. He's stolen from me and his siblings. He's OD'd more than once, been hospitalized, had seizures which resulted in me calling the paramedics to my home, or his...when he had one. A week before Thanksgiving 2014 he called me from a local gas station. He was homeless, cold, tired, sick, hungry and scared. The few pitiful belongings he had left were in the cab of his truck. I filled his tank with gas, bought him some food, gave him a long, hard hug, told him how very much I loved him, and drove away. It was, without question, the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. If you've never loved an addict you probably can't imagine why I would do such a cruel, heartless thing. If you have any experience with addiction, well then you know why I did. Thanksgiving 2014 was difficult, to say the least. I did all my usual, traditional things, cooked huge amounts of food, had family and friends gather to share the meal, and on one level everything was as it had always been. But on another level I felt like I was dying inside, all the while working my Nar-Anon program hard, struggling with acceptance, and battling with the hopelessness of my son's situation, praying he wasn't dead, but not knowing. His siblings and I, by tacit consent, did not talk about him at all that Thanksgiving, even as they, like I, wondered if he was still alive. And that carried over through Christmas too, as time passed and we continued to not hear from him. So.......fast forward to Thanksgiving 2015. The same foods were cooked, the same family and friends gathered. We stuffed ourselves like usual, played the same silly games, and my son in law, as usual, stressed over how the turkey (his traditional Thanksgiving cooking job) turned out...and as usual, he received many compliments because it was moist and delicious. This Thanksgiving though, my addict son was with us, laughing and joking and helping me cook (he's an excellent cook,) fully engaged with his siblings and friends at this gathering, enjoying the compliments on the food he made and brought. He didn't die, after all. He experienced every single one of the things I had tried, for 10+ years, to prevent from happening....the homelessness, the hunger, fear, the sickness....all of it. He lived them, and then came out the other end...not whole, (I don't know if he'll ever be fully whole again, and it's not my job to put him back together) but at least functional. He told me the last time he used was in that gas station, right after I drove away. I don't know if that's true or not, because I don't trust my son to tell me the truth about his drug use. But what I DO know is that I SEE no evidence of drug use, not in his demeanor and behavior when we get together, and not in the evidence of the life he's building, with his work, his girlfriend, his home. Just for today he's the kid I remember, the funny one, the jokester, the most loving person, kind and generous and who would give those he loves the clothes off his back, his last dollar. Just for today he's my son again, and I'm loving it, enjoying it, embracing it for exactly what it is.....one day, one clean and sober day in the life of my addict son. He may not be clean tomorrow, because he will always be an addict. But today, he is, and so I'm reveling in it and and making the most of it I can.
I'm so glad your Thanksgiving turned out so well for you all this year Ronni. Maybe, just maybe, your son will come to his senses and realise that life can be so much better without drugs in it. I'll keep everything crossed that he's putting all those bad years behind him once and for all and that he will build a life for himself again drug free.
Ronnie, you showed him more love by NOT trying to help him last year, than helping could ever have. No one can ever come back from the depths until they hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a different place for everyone. You are a loving mother, just be tough with it! We got your back!
Oh Ronnie, I am so happy that your Thanksgiving was great! I so hope your son is able to stay clean - these cheery days with his loved ones are the best reason.
Ronni, I am so glad to hear it was better, I have wondered about him from time to time, but didn't want to cause any pain by asking. Tough love is the hardest thing to do as a parent. It shows what a great mom you are. none of us want to have a child or children that require that and my oh my, is it painful... for the mom.
