I was talking to a lady at the grocery while we waited to check out. She complained about the workers, the stock, the pricing, and the general appearance of the store. I've never found any problem with any of that and know many of the clerks by their first name. They even tell me of upcoming specials and ask about my hens (everyone knows about my hens!). She was in front of me, and after paying was getting her groceries bagged--giving explicit instructions to the bagger and sighing heavily about how long it was taking. Meanwhile, I was chatting with the checker while she rang up my purchases, and I thanked her when I got my receipt and she wished me a happy New Year. The bagger asked if I wanted "heavy or light" and I told him it didn't matter, my husband was going to unload for me! We chuckled and he bagged everything with great care (without instructions). As I was taking my grocery cart to the truck I saw the lady yammering at the young man who had taken her cart out for her and was unloading grocery bags into her car. She also warned him about bumping her car with the grocery cart. She and I had completely different experiences while we were at the same store, doing the same thing. The only difference was that I enjoyed shopping there and was nice to everyone I encountered, and perhaps some of the clerks enjoyed our interactions. Do you think that nice generates a similar response?
I believe you get back what you give. She sounds like a person who has bad experiences everywhere she goes and has only herself to blame.
Well, Jane... I have customers I love to see and even add extra to their bags... others.. ummm, you get exactly what you pay for. I might even add a smile just to see them leave. But I will say, Most are the kind I want to see. very few are the "dreaded" customer...I do have a few that after a few years I realize they aren't really grumpy, but lonely or in a lot of pain and they don't even realize how "grumpy" they seem. So for them I am a little nicer than an unknown grump.
I've come to realize there are some people that just aren't happy unless they are grumpy. I don't know why anyone would want to live that way, but I don't. I try to be happy and friendly all the time ... its contagious!
I KNOW it does, Jane. Without question. You know Jane...I have read many of your posts over the years and I have to tell you that you and I have the same sort of brain. It is uncanny.--We think the same way about so many of the same things....and react the same as well. hahaha. It really IS uncanny.
I was married to an entirely negative man for 30+ years....he could have been that person in the grocery store. That was just the way he was, about everything. I am, and always have been, a glass half full person. He is the opposite. From him I learned that that kind of negativity, the constant complaining, nothing's right, gloomy outlook, everything always has a downside...all that is typically deeply seated. Yeah, it could be acute...someone in serious pain because they have an abscessed tooth or they put their back out or whatever. But more often than not, people who are like that are chronically so. It's the way they see the world. Used to really, really get me down when I was with my ex. It was depressing especially because I am so very different, I am always trying to make the very best out of any situation, no matter how bad. After I left my ex, I made it one of my life's missions to surround myself with positive, upbeat people, and allow no negativity into my life. Of course, that doesn't mean that there aren't downturns every now and again, that there aren't problems that I or mine worry over or times when there's anger or upset. We're only human after all and I am nothing if not a realist. But we don't live in that morass of negativity. We don't dwell there. Our visits there are fleeting and then we're back to positivity! My life is so much better now.
you and I have the same sort of brain. It is uncanny.--We think the same way about so many of the same things....and react the same as well. Sjoerd, that is one of the nicest compliments I've ever received! I'm so darned flattered--thank you. Ronni, I find that as I get older I have less tolerance for people who can't see the good, the funny, the sunshine in situations. I usually just try to get away from them, but occasionally I let fly and tell them that we only have a few years on this earth and spending them with a smile is better than making everyone around us frown!
Every day I deal with inconsiderate, unthinking, self-absorbed, and yes.....even STUPID people. Some days the stupid is strong indeed. Being polite and nice to these people is a struggle. Most days I manage, but there are those days when my sarcastic smart mouthed side (really the majority of any side of me) overrides the filter. I like to thank people for working weekends, I did that for 32 years. It really sucks. Random compliments seem to make people's days as well. As an aside, this site is generally the most polite and kind site I've had the opportunity to be part of. So thanks to all of you for that.
FBG, I must agree with you about this site being polite and kind, such a refreshing change from argumentative and sometimes foul-mouthed sites! Of course, your contributions help with the polite/kind tone of this forum. The self-absorbed, inconsiderate and unthinking people are missing out on one of life's great pleasures--the pleasant conversations and smiles they could take part in. Ah well, that just leaves more of the nice for the rest of us!
marlingardener, I've had the same experience several times. I found out a long time ago that it pays off to make an effort to be nice even though I have a bad day and feel like being grumpy. I've been lucky enough to get extra discount, good service despite the shop being busy, a cheery good-bye when I leave and a big smile when I come back. There are so many difficult customers out there that makes life hard, and I don't want to be one of them. Good manners and a cheery disposition will get you a long way. I've also complimented complete strangers on their coat, scarf or whatever if I felt it was in order, and I've always received smiles and thank-yous back. I think my life is better because I refuse to be sourly and grumpy.
I know what y'all mean about being nice no matter what. For all that I refuse to be around any kind of negativity for any length of time, I also completely understand someone just having a bad day and being off. I've been there....and haven't we all? So I try not to take that kind of thing to heart, and just sort of pump up my own positivity and try and flow it outward as much as possible. I'll involve the grumpy clerk in some kind of conversation designed to bring her out of her own head and engage with me, maybe commenting on her pretty ring or what a unique name she has if she's wearing a name tag. Or just make a joke, poke fun at myself, ask if she has any experience with whatever it is I'm purchasing. Nice begets nice most of the time. And even when it doesn't, there's no downside to just being nice anyway. People remember the pleasant folks in their lives, and I think that's why the checkers at my grocery store greet me by name (because I do them and always chat a bit) or my bank gal asks about my dogs, or any of the vendors I deal with regularly are pleasant. It seems to be just what you get back if you're a pleasant sort yourself.
Over this last year and many changes I've learned it is beneficial to "me" to treat others with kindness and a smile without any thoughts of a returned gesture. You have no idea what they are going through. And I feel better no matter how they respond, because I know I don't have to take it personally. Who knows, I might find another friend.
I'm sure the workers look forward to your next visit and groan at the thought of hers. It is amazing how our own perspective on things can change our ecperiences.
I am thinking down south you have a lot nicer people than our area. Here a majority of people are shopping with a cell phone to their head and always in a hurry...never a hello, or a nice gesture. If you hold the door for them they just walk on through and not a word. We were always taught to hold the door open, etc. and say thank you when someone was nice. The majority of nice people I meet are the older generation....from 55 and up.... Some of the middle age group won't even acknowledge people...always in a hurry. I feel sorry for them because they are not taking the time to really enjoy life. I am thinking you are not shopping in a large grocery store like we have here...unless you are in a small town with a smaller business that being friendly to customers is normal for them. Enjoy your nice people in your area, because they are not everywhere and every business does not treat their hundreds ( or even thousands) of customers a day like yours do. 10 years ago our family had an emergency visit to a Detroit, Michigan hospital...they were the nicest people, helping our family while my husband was sick . I have volunteered for over 30 years at a hospital in Wisconsin and this hospital doesn't even come close to the being as helpful and courteous as the Detroit people. They went out of their way to help us in Detroit. They even gave us coupons to get money off for meals and offered to let us stay in a room there . This happened to be supper bowl time and we could only get one hotel room. One lady even offered to show us the way to a destination and have us follow her, she was going in another direction but would take the extra time to help us.
