A guy takes his dog to the vet. He say's Doc you gotta help him. He acts like he is dying. The Vet looks him all over and examines every square inch of him. He drams blood, takes a stool sample and a urine sample. He says wait here while I run some tests. An hour leter the Vet comes out and say's I couldn't find out anything from those tests. The man pleaded, Doc you just have to figure out what is wrong and fix him! The vet says, well there is one more test we can do but it is very, very expensive. I'll pay anything if it will help him. The vet says ok, and opens a door. From the door a cat walks in and walks all around the dog stareing at him very intently. Pretty soon the cat just stands there and shakes his head back and forth very sadly. The Vet says I am very sorry but there is nothing I can do. Your dog has died. The man says what kind of a test was that? And the Vet replied, " It was a CAT scan!"
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund. 8) Bugs
