Nursery rhymes with a difference: Now that Christmas has come Jack Spratt and Tom Thumb Are drinking far more than they should, Bo Peep and her sheep have collapsed in a heap And Miss Muffets's not feeling too good. There's little Jack Horner being sick in his corner While Santa's stoned out of his skin; As for poor old Boy Blue he's prostrate in the loo After overdoing the brandy and gin. And Old King Cole, that merry old soul, Was drunk as a skunk its true, He called for his fiddle and hi diddle diddle Used language that's strictly taboo. The three blind mice took their drinks with ice so the effect took a little while longer While Mary Mary, quite contrary Drank hers a heck of a lot stronger.
And there's Humpty Dumpty, he's looking quite grumpy And he's got a new crack in his shell. It seems Jack and Jill rolled him down a steep hill, When they're drinking, that pair's mean as hell.
Now Winnie the pooh and Tigger too found little boy blue in the loo took his cash and bought honey beer now they too are drunk I fear.
The three little pigs, dressed in drag, wearing wigs, are dancing with Wee Willie Winkie, while Old Mother Hubbard is raiding the cupboard, saying "I'll fix me one more little drinkie."
Mary and her little Lamb Are sitting 'neath the table, No doubt Mary would ride him home If e'er the Lamb were able - It seems they both have had too much; And that bleating laugh's no sham, It is the sound one's bound to get When squeezing a brandied lamb.
The Fox and hound are sleeping off there drunken spree, Christopher Robin had too much egg nog and fell out of a tree.
Hey, diddle, diddle, The cat did a piddle, The cow jumped over its mess. The little dog coughed Because of the smoke, And the dish ran away with the barmaid
Hickory dickory dock, the drunk ran up the clock, the clock struck three now hes a she hickory dickory dock!! Mary Mary, legs so hairy How does your bar-bill grow With rum & coke And cigars bespoke And brandies lined up in a row.
Way up under the rafters, Swung the itsy-bitsy spider, It's web a wild and tangled knot, From drinking too much cider. The waterspout it sought to climb Was filled, in fact, with rum - And by the time it washed that spider out The jiggin' and reelin' was numb.
Peter Piper choked on a pepper, Humpty Dumpty tried the Heinlic then they both got pickled, on too many gin and tonic.
Mary Mary isn't quiet so contrary She's out in the garden sipping on Sherry Planting all sorts of plants that will grow She giggles and laughs and plants all she found to sow.
The fox and the hound are swilling them down old grudges, for now, are forgotten. But truce will be ended, mayhem intended, when swollen heads make them feel rotten.
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep as she went to sleep while sipping on rum. Now Little Bo Peep has no sheep boy that was really dumb
