Have a safe flight?

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

 

One for the midget.
Those are absolutely to funny for words.

 

What a RIOT!!! I had to share this one.

 

Remember very well a company trip I took when I was assigned seat 1A. Back then the cockpit door was open till just before departure. Our section had a steward of the male persuasion (sort of). The pilot asked him, "How many aboard?" The steward giggled and said,"Full up today Captain. We're a heavy." I sat there thinking,"I don't need to know this" The pilot then asked the co-pilot, "Do we have enough fuel?" He answered, "I think so." I sat there thinking,"Hey I'm on this plane. You better damn well know so." Never accepted seat 1A again. Some thing you don't want to know about.

 

Those were just too funny, Cap't! I am going to swipe them.

 

My dad worked for years as an airline mechanic - I have *got* to send these to him, I remember things like this going by. Too funny!

 

My hubby was flight Chief in the air Force and use to do stuff like that to his papers.