On Being a "Senior Citizen."

I took advantage of the 9.00 am to 10.00 am slot, at Sainsbury's, supposedly reserved for "senior citizens," to do the week's shopping. What struck me was how "young" many of these shoppers appeared to be. (I don't think they could all work for trhe NHS).

It reminded me of an incident some time back.

My wife and I are the same age, she of course insists I'm "a lot older than she," if five months at our age actually makes any difference.

Anyway, when we first became "Senior Citizens," on a visit to the Trafford Centre we decided to go to the cinema for the first time in a few years. I mentioned to my wife that we now qualified for the reduced prices.

I approached the cinema cash desk and asked;

"Can I have two senior citizens tickets please?"

The rather officious young lady cashire said.

"I'll need proof of age."

Feeling rather flattered, I replied,

"I've got my driving licence, will that do?"

Her response?














"Not you, her!"

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'll be laughing about this for the entire week!

However like it or not, but women all over the world always age gracefully...

I am nowhere near to qualifying as a senior citizen - Still, as a guy, I am today thankful to at last not being harshly ordered by the cops to pullover everytime I was driving. Even after I showed them my license, they would always assume that it must be a fake. So it would take some more time until they verified my driving license.

Senior citizens at least don't have to go through something like that ever again...

 

Our son's partner's daughter, who was an extremely premature baby, but "fully formed" and attractive, but just about five foot tall, always has I.D. on her if she goes into a pub.
If asked for proof of age by the bar staff, she shows her driving licence, she'll be 24 this year..

 

And to think,, many moons ago I used to get in the movie for half price just because I looked younger ! Now that I am 70 its called a senior citizen discount because I look older !

 

While I love volume discounts. Which is exactly what I am going to get into right now. As the COVID-19 curfew has just been relaxed for a few hours in my area.

 

My problem is that I have my mother's face - But I'm a guy... So even though I grew to a slightly above average height. My face just didn't go with the rest of me, (still doesn't). And since I am a fashion designer's worst nightmare, (as I am always in tank tops) - Aside fro having a very rough voice, in comparison to which even a donkey braying would sound melodious.



All of which meant that right until the age of 32, everybody at first glance assumed that I was a teenager who was just pretending to be an adult...

 

I guess like Tony Hicks of the Hollies who joined the group at 18. The one in the middle.




He looked as if should still be at school

 

I think I can best be associated with actor Michael J. Fox, who right into his late 40s, kept making movies in which he pretended to be a teenager. Or like actor Johnny Depp in the 21 Jump Street TV show.

However I don't look anything like Micheal J. Fox, and am taller. Nor do I resemble Johnny Depp in any way... In fact, I think the closest youthful actor I can come close to looking like - Would be the late Jerry Lewis.

This too is actually a cosmological joke, as my mother was a Jerry Lewis fan! So the universe probably said fine, have a son who will have a similarly ridiculous persona.





If I try to look younger, I think I will have no difficulty in passing off as a teenager again, (teenager who is into a little bodybuilding perhaps). But honestly, I have been pulled over by traffic cops so many times in life, for looking too young - That I wouldn't wish this upon anyone else...

 

I can rember a quote by Jerry Lewis in an interview, must be forty years ago at least.

"You can't beat carefully rehearsed spontaneity."


So many comedians have followed this advice.

 

Once a cop pulled me over (again). And mockingly asked for my driver's license - He I think had already pre-decided that I must be underaged, and probably won't have one to show. But I gave it to him with a smile.

He then looked at me straight in the eyes and said, son, if this turns out to be a fake, this car will be impounded. And your parents wouldn't get it back without paying a fine.

So I showed him the registration booklet of the car, that it too is in my name. But he said, if this too turns out to be a fake, you do realize that now you would be going straight to the police lockup... So now I handed him my CNIC (computerized national identity card, all adult Pakistani citizens have this). This actually is almost impossible to fake, (and the newer ones today have a microchip in them). So now he was perplexed, as he had already pre-decided that I must be underaged. But if that was true, how could I have so many documents supporting the fact that I was an adult?

Still he kept looking at my IDs and the registration booklet of the car. But now I myself handed him my firearms license too, (issued by Federal ministry of interior). As well as my gun carrying permit, (issued by the office of the local district commissioner).

He quickly signaled his partner in the cop car, and he instantly parked his police car in front of me, (blocking my exit) - Cop cars in the West have 2 cops in them at the most. But here police is not using cars, but pickup trucks. So there are always at least 4 cops in each car.

He now straightaway asked, are you armed right now? So I showed him what I was carrying with me... His eyes rolled - Then he said, OK, I believe that you are an adult. But now I can't let you go anywhere without verification of this. And God help you, if any of these documents turn out to be fake.

It took about half an hour, but in the end he had nothing on me... So we went our separate ways after a handshake. But those cops kept shaking their heads in disbelief, and were muttering, that they all could have sworn I was underaged...

Today I am in my early 40s, and 2 years ago I almost died from N1H1 Swine Flu, (lost 20 pounds in bodyweight too for a time). So now if I stay unshaven for a few days, I have a salt and pepper beard, (a result of N1H1 flu). But thankfully today this helps me display my real age at least...

However now my siblings say that I look exactly like actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays the character of Negan in the hit TV show, The Walking Dead.

 

Here I was, complaining about how my heart is still burning today - After a lifetime of experiencing traffic cops telling me to pullover, (just because I looked young).

While on the other side of the world in United States - Cops pullover a 5 year old for diving without a license...

Q: Where is this world heading???

https://www.dawn.com/news/1554968/five-year-old-pulled-over-in-us-while-driving-to-california

A: Straight downhill with no breaks!!!

 

Cameras are everywhere, aren't they, watching your every move. (Ooo! that last bit sounded like I was breaking into Hall & Oates, Private Eyes).

Anyway, went to the post office this morning to post a letter and a parcel.
Whilst the woman was weighing the parcel, I put a brand new £10 note on the counter and pushed it towards her, which she took after a few seconds, then printed off a stamp for the letter, which was oversize. She then gave me change for £5.

"I gave you a £10 note."

"No you didn't, it was £5."

"No it wasn't it was definitely £10."

"No it wasn't, I know it was only £5."

"You're wrong, you've got a camera, go and check the recording."

She had to call the manager and they went in the back together and were there for all of five minutes.

Finally she came out, err.. "You are right it, was £10, sorry, here's the rest of your change."

 

Did you hear why he was going to CA ? He got mad because his mom wouldn`t buy him a Lamborghini !
hope i spelled that right !