On Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'Jokes and Games' started by Henry Johnson, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. Henry Johnson

    Henry Johnson In Flower

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    Here is a chuckle or two for St.Patrick's Day--
    ..EVERYBODY IS IRISH ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Understanding Engineers
    #1
    Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

    #2

    To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    #3
    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
    greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!" The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
    doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
    colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

    #4

    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
    #5

    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
    graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
    graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
    graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    #6
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

    #7
    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

    #8

    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one
    week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
    want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
    want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

    And Finally
    Two repairmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A
    female engineer walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
    The engineer took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One repairman shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
    Both men have since been removed from their repair jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ .
    Happy St. Patrick's Day,,, Hank
     
    Frank, dooley and cherylad like this.
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  3. Netty

    Netty Chaotic Gardener Plants Contributor

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    :D
    My daughters boyfriend is an engineer ... I'll pass it on :)
     
  4. marlingardener

    marlingardener Happy

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    Hank, so true, so true. My husband is an engineer, so #2 and #7 really appeal to me.
     
  5. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    I know someone who will really appreciate those - at least his wife will. ;)
     



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  6. dooley

    dooley Super Garden Turtle

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    dr was and still thinks like one. He will like these.

    dooley
     
  7. Jerry Sullivan

    Jerry Sullivan Garden Experimenter Plants Contributor

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    I can relate to a lot of those. :)

    Jerry
     

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