This one has been around for a vvhile, but it's kind of cute... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MY LAST TRIP TO Petsmart Yesterday I was at Petsmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard. Petsmart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love to all, Hank....
Hank, when we lived in town I was in the front yard, picking up pecans that had dropped from our huge pecan tree. A passerby stopped and asked what I was doing. When I told him I was picking up pecans, he asked if we had a pecan tree. I told him no, some guy drove by every week or so and threw pecans in my yard. The passerby never missed a beat. He said, "Now, why would he do that?" I love Texas . . . .
Oh the bliss of retirement and storytelling. On occasion my wife has dreded going into a store with me as I inevitably end up telling stories and she has to pry me away in order to leave. But, as the tagline says..... Jerry
Oh my gosh Henry that was a good one. Eileen go ahead. I have and the reactions from people are worth the risk. Marlingardener-that is just to funny. Those folks are everywhere. Jerry I do similar things. Henry your story remind me of a real life event I was a part of. I had been working at a kiosk one Christmas season in a local mall. It was located in the center isle. One evening after the Mall had closed. One of the clean up crew had stopped to talk with us. He was pushing a large grey garbage cart that was loaded with clear bags of garbage he had picked up from the malls garbage cans. While we were talking two ladies approached us that had been shopping and where just leaving the Mall. I have nothing against blonds, but.......the one lady who was a blond stopped in front of us. With a puzzled look on her face she asked the garbage guy "are you Christmas shopping or do you work here". After the guy explained what he was doing the two ladies walked off. We waited several minutes before we all looked at each other a burst out laughing. I told the worker that he should have said he was Christmas shopping and that his family and friends where getting recycled material as a gift. One more true story. I was in at a Shopko store one day standing by the card isle. I was looking for a birthday card. I happened to notice a guy who was standing about 30 ft. away from me. All of a sudden I was overcome by a foul smelling fart. I knew I had not do it and there was no one else within eye shot except this guy. So in very loud voice I said,, OMG who farted. The guy disappeared so fast around the corner I knew it was him. One more--I often go into a gas station to pick up a snack after I fill up and pay at the pump. I can't count on one hand how many times I have been asked, DO YOU HAVE GAS! I look at them quite seriously and say--Not that I'm aware, or I think I took my Beano before I left home.
