JOKE - A MEDICAL DICTIONARY! Artery.......................... The study of paintings Bacteria........................ Back door to cafeteria Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die enign.......................... What you be, after you be eight Caesarean Section........ A neighbourhood in Rome Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her Colic............................ A sheep dog Coma.......................... A punctuation mark Dilate........................... To live long Enema......................... Not a friend Fester......................... Quicker than someone else Fibula......................... A small lie Impotent..................... Distinguished, well known Labour Pain................ Getting hurt at work Medical Staff.............. A Doctor's cane Morbid....................... A higher offer Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates Node.......................... I knew it Outpatient.................. A person who has fainted Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative........... A letter carrier Recovery Room......... Place to do upholstery Rectum...................... Nearly killed him Secretion................... Hiding something Seizure....................... Roman emperor Tablet........................ A small table Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport Tumour..................... One plus one more Urine......................... Opposite of you're out. . . . MOTHERS FROM HISTORY COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!" MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?" NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me." ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?" MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you." ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?" GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!" THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!" PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew." . . . The Lawyer A very successful lawyer was parking his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing, but, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterical ly about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing"? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!" "Oh, my god," screamed the lawyer! "My Rolex!"
DR likes the lawyer joke. Our daughter-in-law is a lawyer and he would like to send it to her. I'm just not sure she would appreciate it as much as DR does. Dooley
I liked these two best - MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?" NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me." :-D Great lawyer joke too - the world cannot have too many lawyer jokes!
