...............Only in Britain can you get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions whilst healthy (?) people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburger, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave their doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave expensive cars on the driveway and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so that we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain will you find disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. Three Brits die each year testing if a 9-volt battery works on their tongues. One hundred and forty-two (142) Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from their new shirts. Fifty-eight (58) Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers in doing odd jobs around the house. Thirty-one (31) Brits have died since 1996 by watering the Christmas tree whilst the fairy lights were plugged in. British hospitals reported four broken arms in 2001 due to cracker pulling accidents during the festive season. Five hundred and forty-three (543) Brits were admitted to Accident & Emergency in the last two years after trying to open beer cans with their teeth. Five Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control scalextric cars. In the year 2000 eight Brits cracked their skulls whilst throwing up in the toilet after a night out at the pub. ..................... and we're still proud to be Britsh!!!!!
