Welfare Application forms. For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. - I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. - I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? - Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy. - I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why? - I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. - This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it. - Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows. - I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born. - In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory. - I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see. - My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. - Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. - You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference? - I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day. - I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor. - In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. - The sentence structure for this one was especially good :-D Haha! Thanks!