CARP - Canadian Association of Retired People -Q & A from CARP Forum Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction. Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live. Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband? A:Tell him you're pregnant. Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A:Take off your glasses. Q:Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out... Q:Why should 60 plus year old people use valet parking? A:Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A:On their foreheads. Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A:"Gosh, I remember these!" SMILE... You've still got your sense of humour!
Jerry that is a great one. Yes I have looked for my reading glasses-only to find them on top of head. Yikes!
My personal best is walking into a room and forgetting WHY I went in there. Had to be some reason but it is gone ......
A little boy sat fascinated, watching as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny... "Giving up?". ________________________ Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you laugh?” “I did!” sobbed Johnny. _________________________ One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?" ___________________________________________________ A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout , "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" HERE IT COMES!!! . . . . . The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he’s too stubborn to ask for directions." ___________________________________________ An old lady offers the bus driver some peanuts so he happily takes them and munches away. Every few minutes she offers him a handful more. Driver: Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself? Old Lady: I can't chew. Look I have no teeth. Driver: Then why do you buy them? Old Lady: Oh, I just love the chocolate around them.
