The soldier serving away from home was upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected photographs of all the women that he could find from his friends and bundled them all together. He sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
A man was looking up at a flagpole when a woman walks by. She asked him what he was doing. The man replied, “I’m supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but I don't have a ladder”. The woman took out a spanner from his tool bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. Then she measured it and said that it was 18 feet 6 inches. “That’s great” he said, “but I wanted the height not the length”.
There was this office executive standing by a paper shredder and couldn’t get it to go. A girl came along and he stopped her. He said his secretary was off for the day and he couldn’t get the machine to work, did she know how to use it. Well of course she PLUGGED it in; the paper immediately went through the shredder. “Oh great” said the top executive, “could I have two copies please”.
There a couple of guys in a bar. Bill say to Jack “What have you done lately”? Jack said “Nothing, I’ve done everything, I canoed on the most difficult rivers, been on balloon trips, rode a glider, everything, I’m really bored”. “Have you been skydiving? “No what is it”? replied Jack. “Oh, it’s fun” said Bill. “You jump out of a plane and wait as long as you can before you open your parachute, then a jeep is there to brings you back”. Jack asks “What if it doesn’t open?” “Then you open the spare chute”. “Alright then, I'll have a go” Jack replies. After taking off and gaining some height, Jack jumps out. He pulls the chute cord and nothing happens. He pulls the emergency cord and again, nothing happens. “I knew this wouldn’t work” he said. “I bet the jeep isn’t there either”
Young boy says to his granddad, "Look a flock of geese flying in a V formation. We learned about that in school". "Did you really" says granddad. The boy replies, "Yeah. Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other side"? "Well, it probably has something to do with the pecking order of geese". "No granddad, It's because there are more geese on that side".
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.' When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 30 pounds! ' That's amazing,' the doctor said, 'did you follow my instructions?' The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the 3rd day.' 'From hunger?' 'No, from all that skipping' the Irishman said.
