A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a pan. He asks, "What was that for?" "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the races? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head. He asks, "What was that for this time?" She answers, "Your horse just called."
An old woman rang the fire brigade and said, "Come quickly my house is on fire" The fireman replied, "Where abouts are you" "I'm in the back garden" she answered. The fireman asked, "OK, where's the house'? "Oh, its near the road, next to the greenhouse and the shed" she said. The fireman shouted, "How do we get there"? "Oh, don't you have any of them little red trucks anymore"?
Two guys were talking in a pub and one said " My wife has been missing a week now. Police called today and said to prepare for the worst". His friend said how sorry he was and "What are you going to do" The guy replied, "Oh. I've been so busy going to all the charity shops to get all her clothes back".
An old coyote starts chasing rabbits and sees a panther heading in his direction. The coyote thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the cat. Just as the panther gets close, the coyote shout out, "Boy, that was one delicious panther?" Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack. "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old coyote nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching , figures he can trade for protection from the panther. So, he catches up with the panther and makes a deal. The panther is furious at being made a fool of. "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that coyote!" Now, the coyote sees the panther coming with the squirrel. "What am I going to do now?," So he sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the crafty coyote says "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
