Because my mind is reeling with all this and I've vented to a number of friends, several have suggested elopement and I completely understand why. Paige is laughing at me, kindly of course, asking me don't I remember how we both agonized over HER guest list for HER wedding? It was such a PITA that I'd completely blocked it from my memory!!! Here's the thing though. I WANT to have a big celebration!!! I never expected to be getting married again, don't ever intend to do this again, I am over the moon about how happy I am/we are, and so I want to celebrate that! I just want to throw a HUGE party!! Point being, even if we elope, I STILL want to have a big celebration. So there's that organized, practical part of my mind that says "Well OK, if that's what you want, DO IT! And by the way, if you're going to get everyone together for a grand party, then just get married at the same time!" And so the wheels start turning again and I'm off and running once more! Ron's no help. I ask him and he just tells me "baby, I want whatever makes you happy." He's actually been very involved in discussions about this. We've talked over and around and through this whole thing several times now, and he's genuinely interested, just not as opinionated as I am. Really the ONLY thing he's talked about really wanting, just like me, is that we have a big party with everyone!!! He said he'll let me know if there's something I suggest he doesn't like, but other than that, to plan whatever makes me happy and he'll be all in! I appreciate you all being my sounding board!
your lucky ronni is letting run the show. but you'll have to compromise in some way, i dont mean compromise with Ron, more like compromise with the budget! you can probably pull off a huge party with tones of food and drink, back yard style, for very little money. but this is more then "some big party" even if you try to be skimpy, i think you'll find that you have no choice but to raise the budget! or not. lol, keep us posted!
I've been following this thread trying to understand the issues but because reference to the "budget" is ambiguous I can't see how anyone could possibly come up with suggestions that would work. If no one knows what you're prepared to spend then ??
Well, when I asked for input and suggestions I wasn't expecting a line item accounting of costs involved in anyone's specific ideas. We don't even have a date yet! I'm just trying to overview the whole thing right now, in order to start zeroing in on what's important to me/us about the event. Talking it through here is helping with that enormously! So please, don't hesitate to offer whatever suggestions come to mind. Even extravagant ideas can be manipulated so that the concept isn't lost but the cost is greatly reduced.
EXACTLY! We are thinking way more that kind of thing than a bunch of perfectly placed tables with spotless linens, place cards and floral arrangements. We don't need gifts, so Ron came up with the idea of something along the lines of a picnic style get together where everyone brings an appetizer to share in lieu of gifts! And we hold the wedding 1 - 5 in the afternoon. That way we're not having to provide an actual meal, or requiring a few people to man the grills to make food, or spent a bunch of dollars on catered BBQ food! I LIKE that idea!
See, there are things to be said for getting older and wiser, and no longer giving a flying @#$% any more about social conventions, now-I'm-supposed-to's, and general propriety! My GAF broke some time back, which is incredibly liberating and leaves so much room for unique and outside-the-box living of life! Welcome to my world, Adam!
Sounds great Ronni!!! Sounds like it will be a great celebration ! I hope there will be plenty of dancing too!
@Ronni for my last marriage I got married in a church, just us two and my sister and her hubby there. Then the following summer, we had a caterer come to the house. I had tables around the back yard (and it's not a big yard), a bartender for a free bar and the music was just what played randomly on the 100 cd player we had those 25 years ago. Would have preferred a DJ so their offer to you is fantastic. In all, the meal, the booze, etc for 50 people cost just over $4,000. We refused gifts because we were already living together for a year or so, were 40 years old and so anyone who brought a gift got to go put it back in their vehicle before joining the party. I would think your costs wouldn't be too high, hopefully you should be able to get away with about the same amount. As I say the freebie DJ is a truly great present! You could have your nearest and dearest for that and then maybe later that barbecue/picnic.
Oops, just realized I missed the post about the bbq picnic. Yes, a pot luck picnic would definitely cut costs.
Need input about this...just came up. I think I told you, Ron's daughter Krystal is also getting married, they're planning for the Spring of 2020. I told Ron that unless we get married right away (and for a variety of reasons that's not feasible) we should wait till after Krystal gets married, around the Fall of that same year. (I don't want to do it in the heat of the summer.) My rationale is that this is her first marriage, and it's the biggest moment in her life so far, and I don't want anything to overshadow or take away from that. So I'd rather wait till AFTER her marriage to do ours. He agreed completely. So, the other day, when Ron mentioned to Krystal that we were thinking of getting married in the Fall of 2020, she "got a funny look" as Ron related it to me. He asked her, and she admitted to being a bit disturbed by our date. Because both Krystal and Ron will be inviting some of the same people (relatives mostly, but a couple close friends too) from up North, Krystal is concerned that they won't want to travel twice, and so will choose to come to our wedding rather than hers, her rationale being that they're mostly older relatives..her Aunts and Uncles (Ron's siblings) and some close family friends who are once again older people. So funny how two people can think so differently! I'll be talking to Krystal about this more, but the way I see it, most folks won't even know about WHEN we're getting married till we invite them, and we're not going to be sending out invitations 6 months in advance! They won't get an invite to our wedding till long AFTER Krystal has had hers! If anyone suffers from not having guests come it will be us. What do you all think? Is there another take on this that I'm not seeing? Edited to add: Ron and I briefly flirted with the idea of having a combined wedding, and for a whole laundry list of reasons I don't think it's a good idea....and that doesn't even take into account whether or not Krystal would be happy with that solution. Happy to explore that more with you all if you want, but just in case any of you were thinking of that as a solution, BTDT!
Wow, that is a conundrum! The out of towners probably wouldn't appreciate having the expense of hotels twice in a short period of time. Just guessing here as I don't know how far they would need to come. I have one idea … if the couple are going away on a honeymoon.. Have a quiet civil service (elope) shortly before her wedding, keep mum about it, absolutely no word to anyone, invite everyone to an "after the wedding" party whilst they are still in town, then after the couple departs for their honeymoon and you are enjoying the guests you wanted to be with you, spring your great news. Yes, no fancy wedding but with your step daughter having her day, in the same year, it would be the kind and classy thing to do. You could make it a simple afternoon get together - lots of sandwiches and salads made up by the local deli or some such to keep the budget low. I can hear the surprised gasps at your announcement and then the fun clapping and raising up glasses If they aren't going away... I've got nothin!
How about a weekend in Vegas for you and Ron? Find a wedding chapel with "Elvis" doing the ceremony (they provide the needed witnesses so no need to take anyone else with you) After the ceremony head off to a casino where someone interesting is performing, have a really good dinner, go up to your room, order champagne and a small cake and enjoy the beginning of you married life together. Otherwise, with all the fuss, bother, worry, planning and hoping not to upset the other bride in your family could be a very unpleasant way to start a marriage.
