In Loving Memory of my Daddy- Glendann's husband

Category: My Family | Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:26 am

10 years ago, I lost my best friend, my Daddy. He had throat cancer and his death wasn't quick at all. He suffered so much those last few days. It still hurts today like it did back then. For some weird reason that Friday before he passed away, my friend Marisa asked me if instead of going to our favorite club, could we just take a trip back home. So that is what we did. But on the way to our home town, Marisa's grandmother called her cell phone and asked her where we were and she told her that we were on our way home and she said to drive faster because my daddy had just went into a coma. So poor Marisa floored it to Madisonville, and this whole time, she didn't want to tell me about daddy. She just wanted to get me there.

So when I got there, I stayed by his side. I didn't sleep for 2 days straight and finally I was so exhausted I just went to get a little sleep. But I just put a pillow on the floor and slept next to daddy's hospital bed that was in our house. Then, like 30 minutes after I dozed off, I hear a voice say "Baby, when did you get here?" It was daddy, awake from the coma! I couldn't believe it! I told him that I had been there since Friday and when he realized that he had been in a coma, he knew God was ready for another angel. So that whole day, we all just sat around telling each other how much we loved each other and that we would take care of Mama for him. He refused to take the morphine that eased the pain because he knew that if he went back to sleep, he may never wake up. So he put it off for as long as he could and when he did...he slipped back into a coma. When you start the process of dying, your body can't regulate its temperature so you are hot one minute and sweating, then it would stop and a few minutes later, you would start sweating again. I spent most of those last days lying in the bed with him and when he would start to sweat; I would wipe his face off so sweat wouldn't roll into his eyes and burn them.

On that last day, my Aunt Carol and Uncle Sonny came over to visit and see if we needed anything. Daddy's hospice nurse had just changed all his bed sheets and gave him a bath and put new pajamas on him. My aunt and uncle were just about to leave and my mom and brother walked them outside. I was sitting next to my dad and was just watching him trying to breathe. Many of you may have never been around a person that is terminally ill, but in the last few days of life the person gets what they call the death rattle. It's a rattling or gurgling with each breath that is from secretions in the back of the throat. His breaths started to slow down and it would be like almost 60 seconds between each breath. So I ran to the door and screamed for my mom and the rest of my family that was about to leave and my mom, brother and I huddled around him and my mom and I held his hand and my brother was on the other side with his hand on my daddy's other arm. We just kept telling how much we loved him and that we would be ok and he could just let go and go be with Jesus. Then he took one last breath and we kept talking to him until I felt his pulse fade away...

I was so blessed to have been able to be there for him in those last few moments on earth. I think about him every day. I think the hardest thing about him being gone is that he never got to walk me down the aisle when I got married. He never got to hold his two precious grandsons. He would have spoiled them so much. And now that I am going through one of the toughest times of my life, I maybe almost 33 years old, but right now the thing I need the most is my daddy. I know he is watching over my sons and me, but it just isn't the same. I would give anything just to hear him call me Baby girl one more time. I miss his laugh, his hugs, his jokes...there are so many things...He was such a kind and loving man and he is greatly missed by many.

If your daddy is still alive, or even your mom...call them every day and tell them you love them.

Because we are never promised tomorrow

Daddy

"Uh huh dear", my daddy would say

Not sure of what he agreed to, he would quickly sneak away

The hood went up and down he went

Into that engine block

So engaged in that car, unaware of any clock

Hours later, there he was, still working away

He may stop for a pizza but then it's off to play

I'm not sure if those cars were even broke

You really can't be sure

But as daddy dove into them

He'd swear to you they were

There's nothing that made daddy smile like he did

As he worked away

Except if there were kids around

He loved to stop and play

There was something about daddy

That kids just had to adore

Maybe it was his unending patience

Or the way he came back for more

Or maybe it was the smile he tried to hide

The one that turned his forehead red

And gave him away when he lied

Or maybe it was those stories he told

Leaving work and on his way home

Laughing so hard

Trying to tell us of the chest

That started to roam

"I tried to give her directions" he laughed

As he recalled the fall

"I just can't believe, there it was, the whole breast and all!"

Daddy loved to play practical jokes

The ones that made you laugh until you cried

I'm not sure what I miss the most

Since my daddy died

I think that I miss him being my rock

The one whom I relied

I miss him so much

It's really hard

To not see his face

Or maybe what I miss the most

Is the strength of his embrace

No matter how hard I think

I just can't pick one

I miss each and everything

I miss us having fun

It hit me like a ton of bricks

Even though I had time to prepare

I'm sorry I wasn't ready

I thought you would always be there

But with a sigh, I'll blow you a kiss

You will always be the one I miss

By Misty Judson

I miss you Daddy!

2-17-1937 ~ 9-8-1998

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songlim18 wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:52 am:

I cannot help it and tears just roll down my eyes. I had to break away a couple of times to wipe my tears and continue to read between the lines. Pancreatic Cancer took my Daddy away in 1999. He was 67 then. Till this day, I could not forget how I felt during those difficult times. I had been Daddy's girl for 30 brilliant years and wish it continue till this day ... I share your sentiments, Misty.

Droopy wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:14 am:

I'm crying too. You'll never be prepared to lose loved ones, no matter how long you've got to prepare yourself. As long as your daddy lives on in your heart, he'll never be gone for you. Keep the memories alive.

eileen wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:34 am:

Oh Heather you summed up exactly how I felt when my father died!! I had such a lump in my throat reading your blog entry that I could hardly swallow. My dad was my best friend too and I miss him so much even now.

glendann wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:41 pm:

I can not say much of anything as my heart is still to heavy and it still hurts to much except I love you Johnny and will miss you until the day I'm with you again.

dooley wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:52 pm:

We were all with my dad at the hospital for days. He'd sleep and wake and the nurse told us one day it was okay to take a break so my younger sister went up to Flagstaff to get her kids some clean clothes and we went home to do some things and my other sister went to the airport to pick up her MIL and no one was there but my mom. That's when he died. I think he wanted it that way.
dooley

CritterPainter wrote on Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:43 pm:

You got me crying too. You are so blessed to have a daddy you loved so much that you can still write about it deeply and meaningfully long after he's gone.